january 2020: what I’m learning and loving

I usually love January these days – we don’t make many plans, we read a ton, and sleep more, just like winter is for. But this month ended up being a crazy one and not in a good way, so I was completely on board with all of the never-ending January memes. Grant ended up with bronchitis for half of the month, a loved one spent some scary time in the hospital, and we had to let go of our beloved dog, Roxy. It wasn’t the January we were expecting, but there was still plenty to love and learn:

What I’m loving

Two books on sobriety. Several years ago, I read Coming Clean by Seth Haines. Honestly, I don’t remember much else about the book except for this line that he repeats throughout the book: “we’re all addicted to something.” That sentence has stuck with me and helped me to see my own addictions (people-pleasing, perfectionism, control, to name just a few of mine) and to have more empathy for others’.

I first discovered Holly and Laura a few years ago on their HOME podcast, (which has since stopped, but the old episodes are worth going back to). They were newly sober, but most of their conversations on the podcast were about waking up because waking up is what happens when we admit our addictions to ourselves. A friend and I would listen to the episodes during a time that we were both digging more deeply into stuff from our past and unraveling some long-held beliefs. We related to so much of what they discussed, despite not identifying as sober in the traditional sense of the word.

Fast forward to January 2020 and both Holly and Laura came out with books: Quit Like a Woman and We Are the Luckiest, respectively. Both are phenomenal and must-reads, regardless of your relationship with alcohol. I’ll certainly have more to say about these books as they settle into my psyche.

Living seasonally. The fashionable thing to do in Indiana in January is complain about the gray days. I have enthusiastically participated in this activity for many of the 35ish Januarys that I’ve spent in the Hoosier state. Then, several years ago (this blog is over a decade old!), I started spouting off what I was learning about living seasonally and began catching myself complaining about the gray days. I stopped complaining and began noticing how nice it is to unapologetically go to bed earlier, to skip plans in favor of staying home to read by the fire, to rest and reflect more than usual. Gray January days make it easier to lean into the restorative qualities of the season and embracing that instead of fighting or complaining about it, has made all of the difference in the state of my mental health all winter long.

MRH’s Holy Basil Chai Tea. I did Dry January, so I drank A LOT of tea and La Croix last month. I bought Mountain Rose Herb’s Holy Basil Chai back in December but had only had it a few times before January. I have this teapot that I love (I’m on my third one, I think, because the crazies and the dishwasher, respectively, broke versions one and two), and when I make bulk tea, I typically get three-four batches of tea out of each brew. So on days that I work from home, I like to put in about four teaspoons of loose leaf tea in my tea pot in the morning, brew the full kettle, and then repeat that process at least three times throughout the day (Grant always helps me drink the last few batches in the evenings).

As mentioned, January ended up being a very stressful month. I noticed on days that I made the Holy Basil Chai, I had a little more reserves than other days. Holy Basil is an Ayurveda staple (read a long list of benefits here), so it’s not surprising that it helped alleviate some of my stress and anxiety, but I was surprised at how much I noticed the difference. If you don’t want to buy in bulk, I also love this blend with turmeric from Organic India that comes in tea bags.

What I’m learning

On grief and loss. We had to put down our nearly fifteen year-old dog last month. It was terrible, and I wrote more about her here. I’m still too close to it for many lessons, but I am trying to practice what I preach and sit with my feelings of grief and loss instead of rushing past them, numbing them, or stuffing them down deep inside.

Just clean something. I am a lifelong procrastinator who now considers herself in recovery (i.e. I still do it, and I’m trying to do better). Procrastinating worked really well for me during all of my school years, but it doesn’t serve me so well these days. I’ve been working on the roots of the problem for the past few years, which has been helpful, and I’ve discovered several habits that have made me less of a procrastinator. But in a recent newsletter, Melissa Urban (sign up for her newsletter!) recommends just cleaning something as a way of getting unstuck. I have started to use this as a sort of mantra when I find myself putting off something I don’t want to do. If I can find just a little bit of momentum in the fairly brainless task of picking up an area, putting a load of laundry in the washing machine, or cleaning the countertops, for example, like Melissa, I find that the momentum I get from the instant gratification of getting something done or organized, no matter how small, helps me use that momentum to tackle something that requires a little more energy that I have been putting off.

Living seasonally applies to skincare too. File this in the “duh, Sara” file. After I had kids, I began to get what a dermatologist eventually diagnosed as perioral dermatitis (PD). The dermatologist recommended antibiotics, but I try to avoid those if at all possible, especially when they’re long-term. So I did some research, and the following worked for me:

• Quitting toothpaste with fluoride and SLS (I use and love this instead). I did this about ten years ago, and my PD flare-ups have never been as bad as those first ones were back when I used fluoride toothpaste, so I think mine must have been significantly tied to fluoride and SLSs.
• Laying off makeup for a few weeks. I don’t wear a ton of makeup, but PD definitely seems to prefer the less-is-more approach to skincare.
• Paying attention to stress. My PD seems be very tied to stress, so when I see it start to flare up, I know that I need to bulk up the self-care.

For years, those simple steps seemed to work for me. I really only get PD in the winter months, so it has to do something with colder, drier air for me, although doctors can’t seem to nail down exactly what causes it.

This year, when it flared up, laying off makeup and upping my self-care didn’t seem to make a difference. So I quit my skincare routine altogether. I kept my The Ordinary Squalane Cleanser that I use most nights and mornings, but quit everything else. I added a homemade apple cider vinegar toner in the mornings and have been only using this serum* on my face. The PD is completely gone, and I think I’ll just make this my winter skincare routine, trying to add back in the retinols and Vitamin C once the weather changes.

*Grant and I are growing sea buckthorn at home, so I had read about the numerous benefits from it for years. I kept an eye out on the Sibu website and snatched up this serum when it was over 50 percent off, so stay tuned to their website for frequent deals.

Write about the middle stuff. I first heard this elsewhere, but I can’t find it now to reference. Nadia Bolz-Weber says that we should write from our scars, not our gaping wounds. I agree, but I also wonder if we miss out by only hearing or reading people’s stories when they’re all nicely tied up in a bow – after the tragedy, the business deal, the loss. When we only read stories written from the perspective we gain long after the big event occurred, we risk rushing or forcing ourselves into finding perspective before we’re ready.

I just wrote way too much about skincare because that is easier than writing about the crap-show of the last few weeks. I’m not writing about that stuff because some of it is just for me, and the rest I don’t even know what I think about it yet, let alone have any lessons worth sharing. But I am wondering if we should tell more stories when we’re in the middle of it, whatever that might look like.

Your turn…what are you loving and learning lately?!