lessons from 2018: gardening works
I wrote about gardener versus carpenter parenting last September (read the whole post for a better explanation), but even before I had heard about this amazing parenting analogy (see, more analogies!), Grant and I discussed how we have mostly tried to follow the gardener philosophy of parenting. (Not surprising since I think the garden can teach you everything you need to know, of course.) From that previous post, I explained:
Carpenters start with a set of materials, follow a strict set of guidelines and plans, and produce consistent (and very similar) results. Contrast that with gardeners: gardeners build soil before they even thinking about planting seeds in it. That process alone takes time, effort, and a ton of trial and error. Then they plant the seeds, and, despite researching the right spot for the garden, building the soil, feeding and watering the seeds, some seeds thrive and others don’t. The gardener knows and accepts this, not just every season, but multiple times every season as drought or disease pops up. The gardener enjoys the process and doesn’t just focus on the end result.
From: http://www.sarabytheseason.com/2018/09/06/what-im-learning-and-loving-august-2018/
Our children are six and nine this year, and recently, we have been seeing more evidence of our gardener parenting style paying off. Not always, of course. We all still have our moments and days. But we have tried to focus on a few core values as a family, and lately, we have noticed how the kids are absorbing them more often without our prompting.
Raising children is such an exhausting, all-consuming, and high stakes responsibility that I think we spend so much time with our heads down focused on the work that we don’t come up for air and enjoy the scenery (admittedly, I now think those first few years with small children is mostly treading water in hopes of us all just staying alive – or maybe that was just me!). Over this last year, Grant and I have had many moments of exhaling, of just enjoying this season that our kids are experiencing right now, and, even patting ourselves on the back a bit for getting this far.
Along with owning this gardener philosophy of parenting, this mentality has freed me up as a person too. They say our kids raise us as much as we raise them, and I have certainly found that to be true. So this gardener philosophy serves me as well: I am still growing up, evolving, trying to live more fully into who I am created to be, just as I am hoping to help our children to do.
The gardening, like the garden, never stops. We keep tending the soil, composting the dead stuff, planting new seeds. Some seasons are better than others, but they all have their own unique gifts. This year, I have really realized what a great privilege it is to be a witness to the pattern – both in our own lives and the lives of those we love – of all of that life, death, and resurrection.
