what I’m learning and loving: june 2019
Whew, June was A MONTH. We have been waiting for 18+ months for Katie, my sister, and Steve, her fiance, to get married, and it all went down the last weekend of June. We hosted the 120+ people rehearsal dinner at our place, so there was tons to do at Funky Farms to get ready. Plus, Grant officiated the whole wedding and put tens of hours into his sermon and ceremony prep. It was all so much fun – and went too fast. So the month of June is a bit of a wedding-soaked blur, but I still wanted to share some things I’ve been learning and loving lately:
What I’m loving
The Holistic Psychologist. She has something north of a half a million followers on the Gram, so I’m not alone in my love for Dr. Lepara. I geek out about mental health in general (something you know if you’ve read any of these monthly WILL posts), but I also think modern psychology misses the mark when it comes to the root causes of many of our problems and fails to help people reintegrate their minds, bodies, and spirits. (My yoga training no doubt influences my opinions). The Holistic Psychologist, as her moniker implies, is teaching a new, more holistic kind of psychology. And the best part is that her mission is to make this Work accessible to as many people as possible, so her resources are mostly free, uber practical, and provide visible results.
I have been doing her Future Self-Journaling for a few months now, and I am amazed at what a difference it makes. She gives you the directions/scoop when you sign up for her newsletter, and here’s a YouTube video on the practice. I followed her questions/format exactly at first, but now I have tweaked it a bit to fit me. I’ll write more about my practice at some point, but, in the meantime, try it out for yourself!
The World Cup + this USWNT. We love World Cup season. Heck, last year, we planned a vacation around the men’s World Cup even though the US didn’t even qualify. But this team has been something special – on and off the field. At a time when patriotism feels nebulous at best, these women have given me something to cheer for and be proud of. Here were my favorite reads about the team: Sally Jenkins on what this team is really after, Rapinoe’s girlfriend, Sue Bird, with a rant of her own, and this Carli Lloyd profile.
Bailen. This album on repeat. For all of June.
What I’m learning
Thoughtfulness > Pinterest. I didn’t really learn this, more like I was reminded of it this month, because I think we would all agree that social media’s painted perfection doesn’t show us the whole picture. I’m biased of course, but Katie and Steve’s wedding was so beautiful and downright joy-filled because they put so much thought into its preparation and execution. It wasn’t Pinteresty-perfect (although there were plenty of Pinterest-worthy moments), but what really put the event over the top was how much time and thoughtfulness they put into it. Just to name a few examples: they invited anyone and everyone for an afternoon of old-school field day fun the day before the wedding, they (along with Grant) wrote every word of the wedding ceremony including their rom-com caliber vows, they hosted a huge square dance instead of a traditional rehearsal dinner, they wrote every attendee individual gratitude notes on their place settings instead of favors.
So even though I don’t plan on hosting any weddings in the foreseeable future, their wedding was such a good reminder of how tiny (free!) thoughtful touches go much farther than how things look and how radically including everyone in everything is a powerful community- and joy-maker, even in just a few short days. This certainly has more repercussions beyond just weddings.
The power of naming things. Grant began his sermon with this (side note: I’m not really interested in debating the gender of God, so skip along if this doesn’t resonate with you):
Start with the idea of just how good you are because you are each a child of God and how good your relationship already is! Base everything off of the fundamental truth found in the creation poem in Genesis in the Hebrew scriptures that Katie, you are good. God made you in her image. She breathed life and spirit into you, and with you she is so pleased! And Steve, you also are good. God made you in his image. He breathed life and spirit into you, and with you he is so pleased. Start there.
Several women came up to Grant after the ceremony and started crying as they thanked him for using the feminine to talk about God. They said they had never heard a man refer to God with the feminine pronoun. Even though those women, like me, probably agreed that God was beyond gender, there was power in hearing someone (a man, specifically) naming the femininity of the Divine, starting with God’s love for us.
As I look back, it seems like the rest of the month was full of naming things too. I felt completely wiped out the week before the wedding because we had about 100 yards of wood chips that needed to be spread ten days before the wedding. Grant and a few friends told me, “of course, you’re exhausted. This is a lot of stuff at once.” Earlier in the month, Grant was traveling, and I was snappy and short-tempered with the kids and myself. One day after blowing up at Jasper and apologizing again, he said, “it’s okay, mom. It’s really hard doing all of this by yourself.”
Naming the difficulty of solo parenting, the exhaustion of farm work, or how God has as many feminine as masculine characteristics isn’t rocket science. It doesn’t take much effort, but there is power in simply naming things – both for ourselves and for those we love. Both the good stuff and the not so good stuff. I have to think this is why AA starts with naming the addiction.
Shoulding is toxic. Along similar lines as above, I think one of the worst things we do to ourselves is telling ourselves that “we shouldn’t feel like this.” Whatever the “this” might be. We tell ourselves that things could be so much worse, that our situation isn’t that bad, that we should be able to do more, etc. etc. And while some perspective is always a good thing, we would probably be far better off if we were honest with ourselves about what it is that we’re feeling (naming it again!), sit with it, and then move on. The more we resist it and should ourselves to death, the more damage we do to ourselves in the process. We also are probably far more likely to should our loved ones to death too just to drag them down into the muck with us, even if subconsciously.
I’ve been trying to treat “should” like a bad word. I’m still in kindergarten on this one because I think I was previously a graduate-level “shoulder,” but even just a few months of being more conscientious about using that word has helped open my eyes to how toxic it can be.
YOUR turn – what are you learning and loving lately?!
