what I’m learning and loving: august 2018
Happy September! I really don’t like picking favorites, but September is certainly up there. Here are a few things I’ve been loving and learning the last month or so – I would love to hear what you’ve been loving and learning lately too!
What I’m loving:
Dry brushing. I have been doing this for nearly the whole year, but I wanted to wait to report on it to make sure it was a habit that stuck around. Dry brushing is originally an Ayurveda practice that was recommended to aid the body in detoxing (skin is our largest organ, after all), but it has gained popularity because of its many cosmetic benefits. I’ll be honest: I haven’t noticed many cosmetic benefits, but I’m not really doing it for that reason anyway. When I started dry brushing, I just wanted to give my skin a little boost in detoxing, but now it has become a calming little ritual before I jump in the shower (also, our shower takes awhile to get hot, so I just use that time to dry brush). I just bought a cheap handheld version like this, and it works great. Try it for a few weeks and see what you think!
Prana leggings. Grant has been a Prana evangelist for years – he loves their hiking shorts and pants. I bought some Prana hiking pants a few years and now won’t wear anything else. But I hadn’t bought any of their yoga gear until they had a sale over the summer, and I bought two pair – the Costas and the Ashley. I might never wear another yoga legging. They are worth every penny, even at full price, especially because of Prana’s environmental and ethical standards, but snatch up several pairs if you ever see them on sale.
Personalized leather cuffs from Create Hope. The kids started a new school this year, and we were all nervous and excited about it. I bought them these bracelets and customized them with things that we highlight in the kids already (for Maeve, “be brave” because she already is so brave that we nicknamed her “brave Maeve” from about the time she was nine months old + “be a peacemaker” for Jazzy because I knew he would make this kind of peace even from the time I was pregnant with him), so that they could wear the bracelet and feel us with them if they were nervous. While I was at it, I figured I deserved one too, so I bought myself this version with my favorite Wendell quote: “What I stand for is what I stand on.”
Smoothie cubes. Man, summer, I love you, and I don’t know how to enjoy you in moderation. We are finally getting back in the swing of things, and nothing gets me back on track like the boring basics: drinking enough water, eating relatively clean, getting good sleep, moving my body. On most mornings between work, teaching yoga, or taking the kids to school, I don’t have time for a leisurely breakfast, so I like to make a smoothie (or fast) and drink it on my way to wherever I’m going. But even my smoothie game can sometimes take awhile. During strawberry season this year, I pureed a whole bunch of whole strawberries and froze them in muffin tins. Then I did the same when the kale and spinach were going nuts. So now I have a freezer full of almost ready smoothies, which takes a few steps out of my normal smoothie routine. It might not sound like much, but in the mornings, every minute seems to count. Here is a helpful blog post to walk you through the process if my explanation doesn’t make sense.
P.S. My typical smoothie consists of: some frozen berries, some vegan protein, some kale or spinach, some flax or chia, and a splash of tart cherry juice.
Kids’ podcasts. We are spending more time in the car lately because of the kids’ new school, and we have discovered a treasure trove of new kids’ podcasts that Grant and I love as much (more?) than the kids. I’m going to put up a separate blog post of our favorites, so stay tuned!
What I’m learning
Be a gardener. File this in the “the garden will teach you everything” folder, but I have heard about this book everywhere this month (Hidden Brain, NPR, Kate and Colby). Basically, the premise is that “parenting” as a thing/verb has only existed since the 1970s. We don’t use this as a verb in ANY other relationship. You don’t say you’re “wife-ing” or “friending” (well, I guess you do use that one, but only in the context of the Facebook). Converting parenting to a verb has created all sorts of problems because it becomes more about what you DO than the relationship and connection you’re building over time.
The author of the book, Alison Gopnik says that this more intense focus on parenting has created “carpenter parents.” Carpenters start with a set of materials, follow a strict set of guidelines and plans, and produce consistent (and very similar) results. Contrast that with gardeners: gardeners build soil before they even thinking about planting seeds in it. That process alone takes time, effort, and a ton of trial and error. Then they plant the seeds, and, despite researching the right spot for the garden, building the soil, feeding and watering the seeds, some seeds thrive and others don’t. The gardener knows and accepts this, not just every season, but multiple times every season as drought or disease pops up. The gardener enjoys the process and doesn’t just focus on the end result.
So translate that to parenting: we have created a generation (or two) of carpenter parents who think that if they just follow certain formulas and guidelines that their kids will turn out well (whatever that means!). We want to be gardener parents instead, which frees both the parent and child up to focus more on connection than following any set of plans and guidelines.
I had a VERY rough few days with our kids a few weeks ago (I yelled a lot, and one night we all went to bed at 6:30), and I was beating myself up about it after I came out of the funk. But after talking with Grant and a friend, I realized that I’m not in business of carpenter mothering where I’m expected to handle every situation perfectly; I’m interested in raising kind humans (myself included), and that work happens in fits and starts, two steps forward, three steps back. I want to show my children that real maturity doesn’t look like never screwing up; I want to show them that real maturity looks like the person who screws up — and tries again (I heard a variation of that on this One Part Plant episode, and I can’t stop thinking about it).
An aha about negative feedback. Are you listening to Rick Hanson’s Being Well podcast? If not, you’re missing out on free therapy every week. He said something offhandedly at the end of this episode that really struck me. My mom has always told me that, when giving negative feedback, you should balance it out with at least four positive things because people need quadruple the number of positive comments to balance out one negative comment. Turns out, she was talking about our inherent negativity bias.
But when Hanson made the point that negative feedback ONLY serves to tell us a teeny bit of information in the realm of information, something just clicked for me in a new way. Hanson said, “When you think about it, negative feedback is just not as informative as positive feedback. It doesn’t tell you the small number of positive things there are to do; whereas, positive feedback points you right to the bulls-eye.” Typically, when we’re giving feedback, we want to help the person with a task, situation, behavior, etc. We can be far more successful helping them to see all that they’re doing well versus pointing out the handful of things that they aren’t doing so well. This has been showing up for me really practically lately: at work in talking through projects with colleagues, in teaching yoga, and in how I talk to Grant and the kids.
There is more than just sitting and standing. I have been totally geeking out on natural movement philosophy, specifically via Katy Bowman and MovNat (you’re welcome for those two deep rabbit holes). My company recently moved to a new office, and we have desks that can easily move from seated to standing. I came across this blog post and can’t stop thinking about this picture/study that is referenced in the post every time I’ve been in one position for too long. It all comes back to movement (here also…this is obviously a theme for me!).
YOUR turn…what have you been loving and learning lately?!
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